There's A Grief That Can't Be Spoken
by MellarkMania103
Summary: One shot. Haymitch can only look on as the last members of his makeshift family die in yet another type of Hunger Games. As he mulls over his thoughts in the Command Room in District 13, the true Haymitch comes out. Inspired/based on 'Empty Chairs at Empty Tables' from Les Miserables and the Hunger Games. You need to listen to the song to get the full effect, trust me.


_Hello everyone! I was truly inspired by the song 'Empty Chairs at Empty Tables' and knew that I just had to write about it. I can say that I listened to the song while writing this and I was sadly tearing up at the images I saw in my head of what I was planning to write. I only hope I can do my vision justice, and I hope you think so too. Read this then listen to the song sung by Eddie Redmayne, and hopefully you will see exactly what I see. This is set to take place during Mockingjay when the band of rebels including Katniss, Peeta, Finnick, and Gale just barely escape the black goo in the Capitol street. This is Haymitch's reacting to seeing the last of his makeshift family die when they blow up the apartments they were supposed to be in. Please comment and review, it means the world. _

_I own nothing, it's just what I thought happened. I just put it to music. I don't own that either..._

* * *

It takes all I have to watch as those Peacekeepers blow up those apartment buildings with Peeta and Katniss in them. I can only stare at the television and watch. Beetee doesn't even try to butt into the feed. The rest of command is silent for a few moments before they decide to figure out our next move tomorrow. Some try to pat my back and pity me, some don't bother. Either not caring I lost them or not thinking I cared. But the truth is I do. They were the only family I had left. My family and friends were killed soon after my games for not giving in to being sold. Then I made friends with Chaff and all the other Victors who knew what real agony was. The Quarter Quell obliterated them for me. The Capitol took my boy, Peeta, and hijacked his mind to make him hate the girl he loved and to be almost the exact opposite if his charming self. Then I only had her, and she was a little hostile with me for not saving Peeta in the first place. Now I sit all alone in Command, with the two of them on the mind. I hate to admit it but they were like the children I never had. Always fighting over if they loved each other rather than on normal things, but it would do. My family was usually messed up somehow. Now they're gone, so young, and I so old. It should have been them in my place. Watching. They did enough for this rebellion. They didn't need to risk their young lives anymore.

The two of them set this whole revolution in motion with those berries and their time in that god forsaken arena. I walk over to a table in the corner and see picture clippings of the two of them. I wonder if they really did want to help with this at all, or just felt obligated since they started it. I wonder if they could see the new world they were fighting for. "Haymitch?" I turn around as I hear Peeta call my name. But when I turn, I find only the empty room exactly as it was. "If we burn, you burn with us," I spin to the other side of the room towards her voice, and only find nothing. Her words couldn't have been more truer. She burned, she really became the girl on fire when they blew those apartment buildings. I sink into the seat nearest to the corner table and hold my head in my hands, and I can't help the words that mumble out. "Forgive me, forgive me. My friends, all my friends forgive me." Why am I alive? Why are they dead? I am nothing but a dried up drunken old man who has lead so many good people to their deaths, too many good people. Why am I alive? My boy and my girl have just become ash, and I sit here feeling sorry for myself. I glance up and see Chaff and my brother talking at the table. I push my chair back from the table and grip my hair trying to see reality instead of why I want to see. Soon they vanish like a cloud of smoke. I see movement and look to the floor to see shadows of Peeta and Katniss holding each other in a loving embrace, as if they were in the chairs at the table. I stare in shock, and quickly clutch my face and fall into my lap to try to hide myself from it. I feel wetness in my hands and I know I am crying. I thought I had been all cried out a long time ago, but I've lost them all now. I have no one, no one at all who has loved me even through my darkest times.

The flashbacks come so hard so fast I can only cry harder. Images of my parents cooking in our tiny kitchen, my brother playing outside with me, my girlfriend accepting my engagement, drinks with Chaff, Peeta and Katniss dancing in District 7 on the Victory tour. I only see the good times and know they are never coming back. But when I can think in the present, I see the world I live in alone. This world that I live in is still is bad, worse even. What was there sacrifice for? So I can die from insanity in a war zone? So I can drive myself mad with guilt and lack of alcohol? I look at the empty chairs, and the empty table, and I can imagine all of my family and friends together again, for one moment, but then I see the room for what it is.

Empty.

My heart is empty too.

I slump onto the table and cry. I'm not ashamed, and I won't be if anyone finds me. Because I too have died along with all of them. I just have to stay here and do what I do best. Watch...

* * *

_I hope you loved it, it took a lot out of me to write. I would think that Haymitch would have given up a little after he saw them go, that's why he cries. It's out of his character but he's alone, and has no alcohol to help him through pain anymore. Please comment and review and question! I love to hear from you. _


End file.
